Some days, I feel so overwhelmed by my thoughts that I feel like I can’t even take a moment to write them out. 1000 thoughts rush through my head and when I’m in this frame of mind my thoughts never come out right.
Last night was one of those nights when I was consumed by guilt and my racing thoughts. I was shouting at my daughter earlier that evening because she stole someone’s bubble gum from camp. I was so outraged because a) thiFacebook Pages isn’t the first time it has happened and b) she would not tell me the truth for anything!
I took a step back and reflected on my behaviour after I buffed the “naughty” out of her. Tears ran down my face as I sat there totally consumed by regret. I regretted the way in which I spoke to her the most, yes what she did was wrong ,but as the adult – I was SO wrong to shout and buff . I was SO wrong to use scaring tactics to get her to admit the truth. All my shouting achieved in that moment was ,scaring her little heart and breaking her spirit.
This thing called MOTHERHOOD has really been , and still continues to be a challenging journey for me. After I cried it all out , I spoke with another mom blogger that I admire greatly – she gave me some advice on how to handle the situation.
I don’t think she realizes what a big help she is to me, and how much I admire her and the way she does this parenting thing.
Her advice to me was , to focus on getting my daughter to be honest with me – and once she is honest there will be no buffing or shouting. Her honesty should be celebrated .
Long story short- her advice worked! For one of the first times in my motherhood life- I felt like I had this parenting thing under control! I would have handled it so differently without that advice.
I remembered when I was a child I would lie about every and anything , even into my teens I would hide all my boyfriend’s from my dad and sneak to do anything I wanted. ” No you can’t ” meant nothing to me , if anything it was more encouragement for me TO DO IT!
I was seriously misguided as a child and I am so fearful that
my daughter will end up the same way. The sneaky ways concern me and I try with all my might to keep communication as open and honest as possible between us – to avoid raising another mini me.
But I can’t help but have my doubts and ask myself if I’m doing this thing right.
Motherhood came with no manual and furthermore it came with no mother of my own to guide me along the way.
Oh how I am learning that it is a whole lot more than just taking cute selfies and uploading them to Facebook. It take’s a lot of patience , a lot of responsibility, a lot of repetition , a lot of communication , a lot of good examples , and a lot of love.
All of which I felt like I lacked my whole life. I remember when I was 14 and decided to shave my legs for the first time, I was unaware I had to bend my legs to shave them, and ended up slicing off a big chunk of skin. These are tiny, minuscule moments in my life, but for some reason these are the ones I remember the most.
Why do I remember them the most? Cause those are things I feel like only a mother can teach you. They teach you the little tricks of the trade to being a lady.
I don’t want my daughter to feel lost and misguided like I did. A motherless world is all I’ve ever known, and I would do anything to save her from that.
It’s funny – that in my 26 years of life I never really noticed and understood the significance and importance of a mother ,until of course, I became one myself.
I’m grateful for the role model mothers that are in my life today ,they are role models to me without even knowing it! Without them I would feel totally lost.
SO to all the moms that openly share their journey – to you I say a heartfelt thank you!
You give this motherless mother heaps of hope!
You give me the reassurance and faith that even though I lacked guidance I still….
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